Tuesday, March 31, 2009

How much have I lost?

I decided not to put another picture up because I didn't actually lose any weight last week. I did go down to 194.4 but then came right back up after eating pizza and wings on Friday. I learned my lesson on that one, no pizza until I hit the 190 mark. I just can't eat like that I guess.

Saturday Haylie and I went for a very nice walk early in the morning. We did three miles in the park and it was great. I love being able to get up and go do that, it's a great way to start the day. I wish I could do it during the week too, but I would have to get up at 4:30 and be out there by 5 and I am just not comfortable being out there alone that early. Since it is going to be nice today we are going to walk that path again. I think I am going to bring my tennis shoes to work again and start walking at lunch on nice days.

Well, that is all for now, hopefully I can report some progress later this week.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009


Yesterday was a pretty good day food wise. I had my usual banana and yogurt for breakfast, watermelon for a snack, a salad and apple for lunch and yummy chicken stroganoff, cauliflower and broccoli for dinner along with an ice cream sandwich for dessert. My calories came to 1215 so not too bad. Roasted broccoli tastes a lot like kale and it was yummy, I am going to get more of that for next week because J liked it too. I didn't get on on the treadmill though which I regret. My legs were still kind of sore and I was starving and had a lot to get ready for dinner so I used that as an excuse. I am getting on it tonight though.

I just want to say a little bit about support. I am so lucky to have all of the support that I do. First and foremost, from my husband. I can't say enough about how wonderful and supportive he is to me. I have read blogs and have heard stories from friends trying to lose weight about how their husbands bring home sweets and other hard-to-resist temptations. Not my J, he would never do that. He actually feels bad because he can eat more calories than I can, so much so that he makes sure to only eat what I do for dinner and he fills the rest in during the day for breakfast and lunch when I am not around. He always offers encouraging words and acts excited for my triumphs. He has even been so patient with my obsession of my missing extra chin. So thank you sweetie, I wouldn't be able to do this without you.

Next I would like to thank my two moms. Mom B has been there for everything in my life, supporting me in everything (good things only of course) that I have done and she is making no exception now. Even though she has always been such a skinny-minny who could eat what she wanted when she wanted, she still listens to me and always gives me positive feedback. She truly believes in me and that is important to me. Mom F has been a great source of support too. She always has great advise on what new foods to try and how to prepare them along with how to sneak in foods and not realize it. She calls me just to check and see how things are going, especially on the weekends when I don't really blog.

My final support comes from my coworkers. They don't even realize that they are being supportive but they are. We have been eating together in the lunchroom on Wednesdays and going on on Fridays and each time they ask me about recipes and my new foods. It really makes me feel good that they are interested in my cooking and want to try things that I suggest. Today, for example, we all got an email reminding us about lunch tomorrow. In that initial email it said, "Jenn, I can't to hear about new recipes." I emailed back and said something about getting to work on new ones and maybe I would give out a new one each week. I also said that I would bring in some kale because everyone wants to try it but they are chickening out from buying it. I got so many emails back from different people that were excited to try the kale and how they love new recipes. It is just a good feeling. The other thing they are doing that makes me feel good is saying things to me unprompted like, "you are going to need new pants soon if you keep losing weight like that" or "look at you skinny-minny" or "what happened to your butt" or even a simple "you look good, how much weight have you lost now?" It is those simple little things that make you feel good and make you want to keep going.

I just wanted to let you all know how thankful I am for your support. It really means a lot and I couldn't do it without you!

Monday, March 23, 2009

How much have I lost?

I have decided to use my total weight lost each week rather than a weekly amount of weight lost, that way it continues to get larger (hopefully) each week. So, I have lost thus far - 4.6 pounds, or a 12.1" Apple PowerBook laptop. Not too shabby I have to say. My weigh-in yesterday was 195.6 - I finally officially broke the 198 threshold. This weekend was absolutely wonderful for me. First, I had a coupon for a free $5 instant lotto ticket when I bought this $10 ticket, well I had a $5 winner in my purse so I only had to contribute $5 to the deal - not too bad. When I got home I scratched them off and won $20 on the $10 card and $100 on the $5 card!!! I was so excited. I lost a lot of weight this weekend, we got some yard work done, and it was pretty relaxing for the most part. And the best part of it all was my discovery of only having one chin!

On Saturday I was at my mom's house visiting and my niece Starr was there. She loves taking pictures of herself with people and J happened to have his camera there. She asked to take pictures with me, so we did. I noticed the pictures came out rather well, other than the fact that I had no make-up on. There was no double chin - at all! I thought maybe it was a fluke and that the angle was just right so I didn't say anything. When I was getting ready for dinner later that night I noticed in the mirror when I smiled I didn't see the double chin either so before we went to dinner I made J take a picture with me on my phone. On the left you will see that there is no double chin on me, I was so excited. This has become my new favorite picture. I have noticed that my pants are baggy on me and that I can wear pants that I couldn't before, but this was the first time I have actually seen the difference. It is wonderful! So onward and downward I go. I am really looking forward to the 190 mark, hopefully by the middle of April!

Friday, March 20, 2009

On my way

Well, I finally got past that 198 point, this morning I weighed in at 197.2, down a full pound from yesterday. I got excited but can't get too excited because who knows where I will be tomorrow. It did feel good though, I must say.

I love the internet and its many recipes that are low cal and delish. I have gotten so many wonderful new recipes to try, and for the most part they have been great. It really makes eating light so much better when you actually enjoy the food. I don't have to resort to grilled chicken salads every night. It's funny because the girls at work ask me all the time what new recipes I have been making. I am going to make some kale for them Monday morning and bring it in, they all want to try it.

On an exercise note, I have learned to always wear shoes on the treadmill. Last night I got on and went in socks only, BIG mistake. I did a walk/jog combo for 15 minutes and had to quit because of the blister that I developed on the bottom of my left foot. It hurts so bad to walk. I hope it is better by tomorrow because I would love to get back on. It felt so good to jog yesterday. I didn't even realize I could do it. I did quite a bit of arm strength exercises too but my arms aren't sore today so I guess I didn't do enough. I will have to up it a bit.

My goal is to have a good weekend. I have everything planned out but weekends seem to be a tough point for me, especially on the water intake. I am going to try to stay on track as best I can and hopefully I will report a decent loss for the week on Monday.

Have a great weekend!

Thursday, March 19, 2009


I didn't blog yesterday mainly because I didn't feel like it. I know I should have because my main reason for not doing it was the gain. I didn't want to have to post yet another gain of weight on here. When I weighed myself yesterday I was at 199.0, up from 198.6 the day before. Now today I am 198.2. I can't even get excited for the losses (.8 lbs from yesterday) because I am just going to go right back to 199ish. I am so sick of this teetering back and forth. It is absolutely ridiculous that I am not breaking that 198 threshold. I should be losing weight, there is no reason for not doing it. I suppose this week I can blame it on Aunt Flo (no, not my mom's sister Flo). I really don't want to blame it on anything though - I just want to lose weight and I am doing the right things to make that happen. I kind of had a food meltdown yesterday and went over calories, but did so reasonably. I had a fiber bar and banana for breakfast, about 1/2 c chili, some baked flat bread chips and homemade guac for lunch, then I broke. As I was walking back to my desk after filling up my water bottle I saw them - those damn girl scout cookies. I saw there was an almost empty box so I ate 5 cookies - they were soooooooooo good, but there went 350 calories. Since I felt like crap and did not feel like cooking we got panera (broc cheddar soup/turkey sandwich/baguette) and I had an ice cream sandwich. Total calories for the day was 1775. Not the end of the world, actually, that is a pretty decent "maintaining" day for me. I am not too upset with myself even though I know I shouldn't have had those cookies. I needed the chocolate though. So I had a much better day today. I had a banana and yogurt for breakfast, chili and an apple for lunch and will have taco salad w/flat bread chips and guac for dinner and an ice cream sandwich for dessert. That will bring me in at 1070 which will help make up for yesterday. I am getting on the treadmill tonight for a minimum of 30 minutes and on the weight bench for 15 minutes - no excuses.

You know, as I was walk to the bathroom for, oh, the 57th time today, I thought of something. I don't understand how I can obtain an associates degree (with honors) and a bachelors degree (summa cum laude even) while holding down a full time job (and not an easy one) have a part time job for some of that time, buy a house and plan a wedding all within 3 years and all at the same time but yet I can't lose weight. I know, I know, I need to give it more time, but two weeks should be enough time for my system to say "hey, she's eating healthy and low calories and exercising, I guess we should respond by dropping some of this fat." Even though I posted a 1.6 lb loss for last week, it really wasn't a truthful 1.6 lb loss. I did really weigh 200.2 the week before, but earlier that week I had been down to the low 199's. So, while Monday to Monday was a 1.6 lb loss, there was a 1.2 lb gain right before that. So basically in two weeks I have lost maybe a pound, but even that doesn't stay. At what point do I just say screw it and tell myself I am meant to be fat and just live with it?

Ok, I am done with the whining (mmm, wine) and self pity for today. On a positive note, I have been keeping to my resolutions for the past two days, though I was so close to pulling into Taco Bell yesterday. I really wanted a cheesy double beef burrito, but I didn't, I drove by and had my Panera instead. I think this convertible might be a bad thing. Every restaurant I drove by smelled so good. When I was going to get the Panera I had to drive by Golden Corral and oh, that steak smelled wonderful! Okay, enough food talk, I am making myself hungry and I have a while to go before I eat again. Until next time...

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Fat Suit

You know, I can't believe I can get around as well as I do. I can't believe that my body hasn't completely given out on my yet, my knees buckling when I walk and ankles swollen over my shoes. I am carrying an extra 50 (and at one point 70) pounds at the very minimum on my poor legs. I can't imagine how someone like my sister would feel if she had to put on a "fat suit" that weighed 65 to 85 pounds. Let's say she has to wear this fat suit 24 hours a day, up and down steps, sitting and standing, etc. I wonder how she would do? My guess is she would be absolutely exhausted at the end of the day, her legs would ache and she probably wouldn't want to get out of bed the next morning because she knew she would have to go through it all again. It makes me wonder how my body really feels. I am used to the weight and I have gained it gradually so I am sure it definitely isn't as bad as it would be for her to just put 65 pounds on one day but how is my body going to feel when I am (notice I said when) 20, 30 even 50 pounds lighter? I can't wait to feel the difference.

I completely forgot to do my resolutions yesterday. I am going to keep my resolutions similar to last week's and only change a couple things:

1. At least 5 bottles of water a day
2. no alcohol
3. no fast food
4. no frozen meals
5. fresh fruit daily

Yesterday was a good day - I had:

breakfast: smoothie with fiber one yogurt, banana, 1/4 c skim milk and ice, fiber now bar
lunch: 3/4 c broccoli cheddar soup, apple
snack: light string cheese
dinner: Dirusso's turkey sausage, kale, zucchini, green beans
dessert: strawberry shortcake

Total calories: 1255

Weight today: 198.6

Monday, March 16, 2009

How much did I lose this week?

I am sure you are wondering why there is a photo of a camera starting my blog today. Well, in addition to my weekly resolutions and (almost) daily posts, I am going to post a "How much did I lose this week?" blog. It will be quick recap of how much weight I lost total, as well as a comparison to product weighing the same amount. One of the blogs I follow does this and I think it is a neat way of thinking about your weight lost (or gained).

So, this week, after a lot of fluctuation, I lost a total of 1.6 pounds, or a Nikon D40 6.1MP Digital SLR Camera. To bad I don't win that for losing the weight!!!
This week ended up being rather rough for me. The eating part was easy because of all the great new recipes I found. I enjoyed making everything and J and I both really enjoyed the food. The tough part was that even though I had a net loss of 1.6 for the week, I did go up and down constantly and I was up again this morning, up to 199.6 from 198.6 yesterday. I just feel like I am not making any kind of dent at all. As soon as I drop 2 pounds, I go back up 1.5, I drop .2 and then up .8. It is very aggravating. I know I have to keep trying and eventually something will work. As I said last week, if I don't have an actual loss this week, I am going to see an nutritionist. This week I am going to eat even better. I bought strawberries, bananas, apples and grapes to eat this week as well as kale, green beans, zucchini, romaine and an avocado. I am not eating any frozen meals at all. I made chili and low cal broccoli cheddar soup yesterday that I will be enjoying for lunches and will be incorporating the fruit. Thanks to my mom-in-law for her wonderful idea on kale. Never in a million years would I have picked up a bunch of kale and thought, "hmm, this might be tasty." It looks disgusting but when baked properly it is absolutely delish! I have actually been craving it!
I did go through my closet as promised and will be retiring 3 pairs of my baggy pants. I am wearing my size 14's today actually. We got our weight bench and after some time on the treadmill tonight I am going to do a little work on my wings. Well that is my weekend recap. See you tomorrow!

Friday, March 13, 2009


Thursday was good for me as far as resolutions go, I met all of them and it paid off. I weighed in at 198.4 this morning. I am not going to get too excited though because of my recent 2 lb gain. My calories were very low yesterday, at just over 1000 for the day. I ended up almost stuffing myself last night with sugar free pudding just to hit the 1000 mark. I don't like being that low, but some times it is hard. With all that was going on yesterday I wasn't all that hungry at lunch so I only ate my potatoes and green beans from my cafe steamer. I didn't like the carrots and the meat that was in it and I didn't have anything else to eat so that is what I had. I kind of have the same problem today. I brought in some vegetable soup, expecting it to taste like my grandma's and it turned out very bland and the vegetables were mushy. I took a bite of corn and it disintegrated in my mouth, yuck! So I have only consumed 300 calories so far today, which I guess is actually a good thing considering we are going to Bella Napoli for dinner tonight. I have decided to splurge a little and have 2 pieces of bread along with 1/2 of a cheese stromboli. That should be about 900 calories which will bring me right where I need to be for the day.

This morning as I was getting ready for work, I realized that I forgot to do laundry last night. I had worn my good jeans to walk dogs in on Wednesday and was going to wash them for today. I semi-panicked because my favorite jeans were dirty. They are the only jeans I ever wear, other than a really old pair that are beginning to rip and have worn-in stains on them (I would never wear them to work). These favorite jeans are too big for me. They hang on me, just like all of my work pants, and I have to constantly pull them up. I have a closet full of size 14's from when I was thinner a few years ago but I still continue to pick up these 16's and put them on every day. Why? I put the size 14 jeans on and they fit me absolutely perfectly, they are not at all snug anywhere and are extremely comfy. For some reason though, I would rather be in my too big 16's. You would think I would be excited to be wearing the smaller pants, and I am, but there is something about the others. Am I afraid of the change? Why do I always pick the old ones? Is it so if I gain a little, it won't be as noticeable? So I have decided to go through my closet this weekend. I am going to try on all of my pants and keep the 14's out. After I make sure I have enough that fit, I am boxing up the remaining 16's and putting them away so I can't go back to them so easily. I will be forced to keep the weight coming off or my pants won't fit. Can I trick myself?

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Bad Day

I am having a terrible day today. I woke up late to start things off. I hate doing that because then I have to rush and I don't want to be rushed. I got on the scale and what do I see - 200.0 - what the hell???? How could I have POSSIBLY gained all of the weight back that I just lost? I have done so well, 1200-1300 calories per day, exercised every day, drank 6+ bottles of water - how can I GAIN weight?!?!?!?!? While I was getting my breakfast/lunch together I found that we had no fiber bars left and nothing to really replace it - no fruit or anything - and since I got up late there was no time to stop anywhere. So I got a piece of flat bread for breakfast - yum. As I was reaching for my shoes, I hit my thumb on the bench and broke my nail almost half way down - SOB that hurts! I get to work and put a smile on my face and tell myself that I am going to turn this day around and make it a good one, only to find out a half an hour later that they are doing massive terminations here at work and one of my employee's was on the chopping block. Great freakin day.

Anyway, I stuck to my resolutions yesterday and for exercise I went to the pound for an hour and a half and walked dogs. It was really nice. These poor pups only get to leave their cages once or twice a day at the most and they have the biggest hearts I have ever seen. This one little guy was so incredibly scared. He cowered in the back of his cage and I had to literally drag him out. Once out, he wouldn't walk on the leash at all, he just cowered on the ground with his tail tucked under. I carried him outside and set him on the grass. After I pet him for a while he curled up next to me so I could protect him. When I finally put him back in his cage he just looked at me with his beautiful eyes. I felt so bad having to put him back in, I really hope someone adopts him, he would make a wonderful pet.

Anyway, back to the weight loss, or lack there of. I am going to keep at it. I have discovered some things that I am going to try next week to see if maybe I can turn this around. I am going to cut out the frozen meals at lunch and go for fresh stuff and I am going to incorporate some fruits in my day because I don't think I am getting enough - well I am not getting any at all. If nothing is lost by the end of next week I think I will have to see a nutritionist. There must be something I am doing wrong.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

New Recipes

Well day two was half of a success. I did keep to all of my weekly resolutions - almost 7 bottles of water again, no alcy-hol, all three sources of fiber (I think it might be working!) and no fast food. The non-successful half was that I weighed myself this morning and the scale was 198.8!!! Up .2 from yesterday. I am not going to get upset yet, I did drop almost 2 lbs in one day so I am sure this is just a slight fluctuation. Yes, that is it. I did great with my calories yesterday, coming in at 1230 and doing 30 minutes on the treadmill. I am keeping my fingers crossed that tomorrow's number will be slightly lower than today.

I have been working all morning on getting new recipes for J and I to try. Anyone who knows me, knows I LOVE cooking and trying new recipes is what keeps it fun. I am working to get some veggies mixed in there and I even accomplished something I didn't think I would - J ate zucchini twice and he actually liked it! I found a TON of recipes that look so good on wineloverscookingdiary. As I am getting calorie information, I am finding many of these will be too high for us, but there are quite a few we can do and they sound delish. This also has me thinking of new things I can do and ways to re-vamp our old dishes to keep things interesting. We should have new food to try everyday for about a month! I am printing them on index cards so they are all uniform and easy to get to. I have so many healthy cooking cookbooks, but then you have to look through them all each week. If I can get them all cataloged on index cards, I think this will help. I know, it is such an old-fashioned way to do it but I did an access database file that is great, however I have to break out the computer every time I want to get recipes. Hopefully this will work out for me and keep us from having the same things week after week.

Another thing I am going to try next week is kale. My mom-in-law told me that she roasted hers and it was really good so I will be buying some of that during my shopping trip this weekend.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Day 1: Success

My first day of resolutions is over and here is how I did:

1. 5 bottles of water - I actually had almost 7 yesterday total, I think I spent half of my day walking to the restroom (does that count as exercise?) - check

2. no alcohol - didn't have any yesterday, but that is not unusual for a Monday, I usually don't drink until the weekend. - check

3. 3 sources of fiber - I had my fiber one yogurt and fiber bar yesterday morning and my psyllium husks last night before I went to bed - check

4. no fast food - nope, no fast food yesterday - check

So, I met my goals for yesterday, one day down - six to go! They definitely paid off because this morning I was down to 198.6, which I realize is water weight and not fat, but hey-I'll take it. I got on the much neglected treadmill last night for 20 minutes and then J and I cleaned out the spare room and brought it upstairs, to hopefully motivate both of us to exercise a little more. Mom and Dad are giving us a home gym set that we hope will fit in the room. It will be nice to get some strength training along with cardio.

I had this dream last night, well it was probably this morning actually. J always laughs because I have such vivid and realistic dreams and this one was no different. I was on my way to work this morning and was really craving a sausage mcmuffin with egg for breakfast. As I was driving, "Good Jenn" and "Bad Jenn" (just like in the cartoons where you have an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other) were arguing back and forth as I was trying to decide whether or not to stop at Micky D's (this actually does happen in my head in real life-sad, I know). Anyway, Good Jenn says "no, you don't need the sandwich, if you eat it you will regret it, you will feel sick after you eat it, you have a perfectly good yogurt and fiber bar, etc" while Bad Jenn argued with the same line over and over, "But it will taste SOOOOO good!" So I decided to do what I do often in this type of situation - I went to McDonalds but decided to try to make the sandwich a little healthier - I got a "chicken mcmuffin with egg." Now obviously there is no such thing but in my dream there was. It was a grilled chicken breast on the english muffin with cheese and egg - it was disgusting. I didn't like it, but you know what? I ate it anyway. After I got to work and the sandwich was long gone, I got on the nutrition website for McDonalds and found that the chicken mcmuffin with egg was only 100 calories and 3 g of fat less than the sausage. After reading that I felt even worse than I did after eating the disgusting sandwich because I could have had what I really wanted and it would have not been too much worse, or better yet I could have eaten what I brought to work and felt great and saved 300 calories.

What does this dream mean? I am not sure. It just made me laugh because it was so real and my thoughts and actions were so what I would do in real life. I do need to figure out how to get rid of Bad Jenn. She is really bringing me down.

Anyway - 2 bottles of water and a fiber yogurt down for the day, and it's only 8:30. I am going to have a great day!

Monday, March 9, 2009

My first resolution

After thinking about the past weekend and last week, I have come up with MANY things I did wrong. I drank entirely too much wine, didn't drink enough water, didn't always consume enough fiber, and I ate *gasp* fast food! I am sure there were others such as not enough veggies, too many carbs, etc, but those were the biggies. So, here is what I am doing this week:

1. Definitely 5 bottles of water - minimum. Saturday I may let this slide to 3 bottles as we are going to Geneva and I don't want to make the driver stop 15 times on the way there so I can go.

2. NO WINE or other alcoholic beverages except for Saturday. We are going to an ice wine festival so I will definitely excuse myself from the anti-wine ban for the afternoon.

3. I will eat my fiber one yogurt, fiber now bar and consume at least 1 glass/dose of psyllium husks (yuck) each day, including Saturday. If things don't change - I promise to see the doctor. I do need to give the fiber an honest shot at working though, not just a half-assed one.

4. And finally, absolutely-positively no fast food this week. I may have Subway or something similar, but no McDonalds, no Taco Bell, and no Arby's. Period.

Those are my resolutions for the week. Shouldn't be too hard to commit to them. I am so hungry right now though and I already ate my yogurt and bar for the day. I only have 45 minutes until lunch and I know I can make it, but those damn girl scout cookies are whispering behind me, kind of like the whispering on Lost. I really need to get those out of my office - but I don't want them at home either. Damn those little girl scout girls and their cute and irresistible smiles.

Today's weigh-in: 200.2 lbs
Calories so far: 210 plus I will have 310 (cafe steamer by Healthy Choice) for lunch making a total of 520. 680 left for dinner - perfect.

Here I am

I decided this morning that I need to blog. I need to write down my feelings and struggles through this journey of weight loss. I have been following Lyn's journey at http://escapefromobesity.blogspot.com/ for some time now. I spent hours getting caught up on her past two years and the struggles she has overcome and the struggles she is still dealing with. By reading her blog everyday, I realized that I am much like her (minus the children) and it seems like writing down your feelings might help. Let's see...

I am tired of being fat - I am over it completely. I want to feel better, I want to not breathe heavy after a flight of stairs, I want to fit comfortably in the seat of the Millennium Force and Top Thrill Dragster. There are so many things that I want, and I can have, just by losing weight. On the top of my list though, I want to be healthy. My grandma has diabetes and I don't want to have it too. I want to be able to live a very healthy and long life with my husband. I want us to be active when we grow old, not sitting in front of the TV all day, waiting to die.

My number one goal for this blog is honesty. I have been lying to myself and my husband for a while now. Well, I don't actually completely lie to him, but I am not completely honest with him either. For example, I didn't mention to him that two days last week I had both Arby's and Taco Bell for lunch. I didn't actually lie to him, I just didn't bring it up either. Why? I don't know. I know that he would just give me positive encouragement like he always does. He is wonderful like that and he doesn't ever give up on me. I know that by eating like that I am only hurting myself and I don't know why I do it. Through this blog I will be completely honest, even on bad days. That is one thing for which I really respect Lyn. Even when she has went totally off course and has to report gains, she is honest. I must stop lying to myself.

What I am going to do - honestly. I will be doing weekly resolutions. A lot of people do New Year's resolutions but why do they have to start at the new year? How many people can actually keep one resolution (especially weight loss) going for an entire year? What happens is in February you fall off the wagon. Oh well, there's always next year. By doing weekly resolutions I hope to keep them going longer. If I happen to fall off on Saturday, I will be starting again on Monday. I think it will help me because the reward of success will come much more quickly making me feel better about myself. I am also going to report daily on my food, exercise and weight. I am not going to necessarily list the food everyday, I may for a while just to help myself, but I will at least report my honest to God's calories - NO LYING!!!!

Anyway, I think that is all for now. Hopefully as time goes on, not only will I lose weight, but hopefully I will also become a better writer. Two birds, one stone. Let's hope.