Changes

Thursday was good for me as far as resolutions go, I met all of them and it paid off. I weighed in at 198.4 this morning. I am not going to get too excited though because of my recent 2 lb gain. My calories were very low yesterday, at just over 1000 for the day. I ended up almost stuffing myself last night with sugar free pudding just to hit the 1000 mark. I don't like being that low, but some times it is hard. With all that was going on yesterday I wasn't all that hungry at lunch so I only ate my potatoes and green beans from my cafe steamer. I didn't like the carrots and the meat that was in it and I didn't have anything else to eat so that is what I had. I kind of have the same problem today. I brought in some vegetable soup, expecting it to taste like my grandma's and it turned out very bland and the vegetables were mushy. I took a bite of corn and it disintegrated in my mouth, yuck! So I have only consumed 300 calories so far today, which I guess is actually a good thing considering we are going to Bella Napoli for dinner tonight. I have decided to splurge a little and have 2 pieces of bread along with 1/2 of a cheese stromboli. That should be about 900 calories which will bring me right where I need to be for the day.

This morning as I was getting ready for work, I realized that I forgot to do laundry last night. I had worn my good jeans to walk dogs in on Wednesday and was going to wash them for today. I semi-panicked because my favorite jeans were dirty. They are the only jeans I ever wear, other than a really old pair that are beginning to rip and have worn-in stains on them (I would never wear them to work). These favorite jeans are too big for me. They hang on me, just like all of my work pants, and I have to constantly pull them up. I have a closet full of size 14's from when I was thinner a few years ago but I still continue to pick up these 16's and put them on every day. Why? I put the size 14 jeans on and they fit me absolutely perfectly, they are not at all snug anywhere and are extremely comfy. For some reason though, I would rather be in my too big 16's. You would think I would be excited to be wearing the smaller pants, and I am, but there is something about the others. Am I afraid of the change? Why do I always pick the old ones? Is it so if I gain a little, it won't be as noticeable? So I have decided to go through my closet this weekend. I am going to try on all of my pants and keep the 14's out. After I make sure I have enough that fit, I am boxing up the remaining 16's and putting them away so I can't go back to them so easily. I will be forced to keep the weight coming off or my pants won't fit. Can I trick myself?